Friday, August 5, 2011

Do I have some sort of disorder? Maybe schizophrenia or some other mental illness?

Sometimes i will be thinking to myself and i will whisper it as i am thinking it and i repeat the sameword over andover overpronouncing s and t and things. I believe that all inanimate objects are alive and i need to be nice to them. Sometimes when i see something smaall like a mark on a wall i see it moving. I have some minor ocd tendancies. I am extremely anxious expesially in social situations. Ive had panic attacks because of it. I am paranoid. I always fear that monsters are going to attack me. Less now at my new house. At my old house there were monsters in the bathroom that would plot to kill me . I talk to myself and also i communicate to a bunch of little friends. I space out like theres no tomorrow. I have bad anger issues. I have trouble concentating and always seem to be moving. I have a phobia of things pointing at me and also bees. I imagine things gouging out my eyes and stabbing me. I go through swings of depression usually related to anxiety. I take care of my stuffed animals and am occasionally scared that a couple of them will attack me. Oh yeah the little friends I talked about before are deft and I talk to them with my hands and they can read lips too. Or sometimes they understand me through my mind. It all depends. I get random bursts of panic and sprint or jerk around to look behind me or things like that. I see random pictures and things in the pattern on the carpet at my school and I telepathically communicate with them. Often as I am walking through the hallways and someone in front of me walks too slowly I will should MOVE in my mind directed at them and sometimes they look backwards and move faster a bit so I think it might work. I've always known something was wrong with me. Sometimes, every now and then, I'll hear someone faintly calling me name, like its the wind. Maybe it is the wind calling my name. I don't know. I have several phobias. Things pointing at me, being singled out, bees, the dark (I see things in the dark. Like shadows darting across the room, shadow faces, etc), rabies (that's a big one. Once I had a dream that my sister was rabid and tried to bite me. I was scared of her for a while and would be afraid to sleep since we shared a room. Also I dreamed that me and my mom were fighting off raccoons that were rabid and they were chewing on my arms and I didn't have the strength to fight them off). I often believe that I am extremely good at fighting and am good at being a spy. I don't necissarily believe i am a secret agent or anything, but I know I'd make a good one. Too much tv is causing that one i suppose :) Theres a bit more but its mostly stuff like that. I am a 15 year old girl in freshman year of high school. What do you think? Keep in mind i realize these things and i am usually able to function alright with daily activities.

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